Now, I have a History degree. I love History. I watched the shit out of Rome EVEN THOUGH I had to wait a year between seasons because I can't afford premium cable and refused to watch it online. I know my way around Plutarch, have a love/hate relationship with Augustus Caesar- I'm an incurable Cleopatran- and giggle whenever I hear "Caligula." I know Rome, okay?
This ain't Rome. All roads may lead there, but these motherfuckers will get you nowhere.
CASE THE FIRST:
Okay. They're gross. The colour does nothing for me, I hate that kind of leather, and I can't imagine the fenced-in look goes well with that low heel. Sure, you can probably move in them, but what happens when you're raising your shield to block your opponent's oncoming strike? Those things look awfully slippery. I bet the buckles can really dig in and make a mess of your ankle, too, and on the whole they don't look that supportive. I dunno, guys- I don't think these would be all that helpful in the arena.
CASE THE SECOND:
It is SO GREAT that they let mental patients put their basket-weaving skills to a higher purpose. Of course, the issue here is that the wearer would look appropriately batshit.
CASE THE THIRD:
Oh, how I despise anachronism. Ballet wasn't invented for...oh...fifteen hundred years after the fall of Rome!
These look like little fighter spaceship, kind of. Were I less lazy, I'd photoshop a little Luke Skywalker head popping out of these boats o' hot mess...but that'd be a sad waste of a fine-looking Jedi.
CASE NUMBER THE FOUR:
What Norma Desmond planned to wear in her production of Salome.
CASE LE CINQUE:
This, however, I can COMPLETELY support. Gladiator sadomasochism porn? Well played, Vivid Video costume department!
Although I find these monstrosities utterly unwearable, they're everywhere these days. Until I learn to sew above the level of a three-year-old and blast onto Project Runway oozing talent and catchphrases ("Hot tranny make it work auf wiedersehn Wendy Pepper FEROCIA!" I'll scream, while Heidi and the gang makes me construct a fleet of Girl Scout uniforms out of dental floss and roadkill), I have to accept the fashion industry's latest dupes. I'm not buying this shit, but I did see a pair that didn't make me gag:
Granted, they're a little Heidi Montag and look like they could be purchased at Wet Seal. Okay. Yet, the shape is somewhat flattering, especially when combined with the heel. I like how that's tapered, too- keeps them from looking entirely like stripper shoes. Would I pay for them? Fuck, no. Would I wear them? Maybe.
Whatever you do, ladies and "ladies," try to find a different style of shoe. Something flattering, something modern, something graceful.
Something completely unlike the following-
Kingdom of the Crushed Psyche.
1 comment:
Those are just ugly examples. There are some quite attractive pairs of gladiators, you just put pics of ugly ones.
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