So, Handbag Planet is running an awesome contest right now: they're giving 'em away free! Not only that, you get to choose the one you want to win. That's infinitely better than getting a free ugly. No one likes free ugly.
Anyways, there are a lot of different styles and sizes of bags- I personally selected a shiny cherry red with a big bow DON'T STEAL MINE- so I highly suggest you check it out.
Yes, you.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Our little group has always been and always will until the end
I remember grunge. Not very well- it peaked when I was eight or nine- but I remember it well enough. Also, I still listen to all the music. I miss grunge. I miss it so much I almost paid $70 to see Mudhoney a couple weeks ago, until I remembered that they probably suck now.
So, when ShopBop sent one of their helpful emails the other day, extolling the grunge look as, like, so very in for fall, I was intrigued.
Gwen Stefani may know a think or two about punk glamour, as the write-up says (I would take issue with this, but what do I know?), but "punk glamour" is faaaaaar from grunge. Yes, I could see David Bowie wearing them, but not anyone who was in Mother Love Bone.
Oh, right, I think Eddie Vedder owns, like, three of these!
Are these...um...I mean...seriously? These are tights?
Yeah, I think Nirvana wore these in different colours on their last tour. Actually, I could see Kurt Cobain rocking this, but I could see him rocking just about anything. Krist Novoselic, on the other hand, would have looked a little dumb.
...aaaaaaaaaaaand I got nothing. It's so inexplicable and impossible to understand, I'm going to call it "Miss Tyra."
...I'd wear it, though.
I'm out. Gonna break out the 7 Year Bitch and read the latest SubPop newsletter.
So, when ShopBop sent one of their helpful emails the other day, extolling the grunge look as, like, so very in for fall, I was intrigued.
Gwen Stefani may know a think or two about punk glamour, as the write-up says (I would take issue with this, but what do I know?), but "punk glamour" is faaaaaar from grunge. Yes, I could see David Bowie wearing them, but not anyone who was in Mother Love Bone.
Oh, right, I think Eddie Vedder owns, like, three of these!
Are these...um...I mean...seriously? These are tights?
Yeah, I think Nirvana wore these in different colours on their last tour. Actually, I could see Kurt Cobain rocking this, but I could see him rocking just about anything. Krist Novoselic, on the other hand, would have looked a little dumb.
...aaaaaaaaaaaand I got nothing. It's so inexplicable and impossible to understand, I'm going to call it "Miss Tyra."
...I'd wear it, though.
I'm out. Gonna break out the 7 Year Bitch and read the latest SubPop newsletter.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
What Annushka Wore
Bleh, what a horrible week. I've been alternately packing and panicking, also making room for a really ridiculous row with a crazy person. I seriously had to style myself sane today.
Iridescent red and blue button-down velvet shirt (Express about eleven years ago)
Grey tank top with silver stars (H&M, Toronto)
Dark wash, trouser-style jeans (306, Toronto)
Black metallic accordion-pleated silk and suede platforms (Brown's, Toronto)
Maroon bead-and-ribbon choker (Stolen from a friend)
Pink flower mandala earrings (Boom Babies, Syracuse, NY)
Iridescent red and blue button-down velvet shirt (Express about eleven years ago)
Grey tank top with silver stars (H&M, Toronto)
Dark wash, trouser-style jeans (306, Toronto)
Black metallic accordion-pleated silk and suede platforms (Brown's, Toronto)
Maroon bead-and-ribbon choker (Stolen from a friend)
Pink flower mandala earrings (Boom Babies, Syracuse, NY)
Saturday, September 27, 2008
New Modepass account!
Come and be my contact on Modepass!
Here's my page of ULTIMATE SEXINESS: http://modepass.com/amadruada
Here's my page of ULTIMATE SEXINESS: http://modepass.com/amadruada
Friday, September 26, 2008
What Annushka Wore
Dammit! I really wish I'd been able to photograph my outfit today- I looked so fucking cute! Oh, well. Maybe I'll recreate this look in a few days and take pictures then. In the meantime, here's a list of what I wore today:
DKNY black tank (The Crossroads outlet mall, Pennsylvania, USA)
Designs by Naomi black cropped hoodie (Designs by Naomi, Yorkville, Toronto, Canada)
Red wraparound skirt with multi-colored metallic floral print (Barcelona, Spain)
Purple tights
Blue patent leather slingbacks (Franco Sarto)
Asymmetrical lapis beaded necklace (Israel)
Black and red crystal oval dangly earrings (Butterfly, Kensington Mart, Toronto, Canada)
DKNY black tank (The Crossroads outlet mall, Pennsylvania, USA)
Designs by Naomi black cropped hoodie (Designs by Naomi, Yorkville, Toronto, Canada)
Red wraparound skirt with multi-colored metallic floral print (Barcelona, Spain)
Purple tights
Blue patent leather slingbacks (Franco Sarto)
Asymmetrical lapis beaded necklace (Israel)
Black and red crystal oval dangly earrings (Butterfly, Kensington Mart, Toronto, Canada)
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Teese Me
I've got some kind of killer death-fuck flu, so I'm not exactly feeling fashionable- I'm wearing a pair of black capris that are about six sizes too big for me, and a t-shirt from a marathon my mother's college roommate's husband ran in 1986- but I couldn't help but get excited when I heard that Dita Von Teese is designing a line of lingerie for Wonderbra. I couldn't find any mention of the collection on the main Wonderbra site, but thanks to Marie Claire I did find some pictures:
Hmmm...I'm not that enthused based on these two photos, but maybe the stuff will be cuter in person? I'm also pre-bitter, as I'm certain that, like all attractive and/or celebrity lingerie lines, it won't be available in my size. Which is huge. I swear to god, my bra tags actually say "Size: HUGE TRACTS OF LAND."
Oh, well. It could be worse. She could be shilling faux-absinthe like her ex-husband. (This site must be been to be believed.)
I also found the commercial for Dita's line, so if you're a fan of talking pictures, check it out:
The photos of Dita Von Teese in this post were taken from Marie Claire.
Hmmm...I'm not that enthused based on these two photos, but maybe the stuff will be cuter in person? I'm also pre-bitter, as I'm certain that, like all attractive and/or celebrity lingerie lines, it won't be available in my size. Which is huge. I swear to god, my bra tags actually say "Size: HUGE TRACTS OF LAND."
Oh, well. It could be worse. She could be shilling faux-absinthe like her ex-husband. (This site must be been to be believed.)
I also found the commercial for Dita's line, so if you're a fan of talking pictures, check it out:
The photos of Dita Von Teese in this post were taken from Marie Claire.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
New links make everyone happy!
I've updated the list of fashion blogs I read on a regular basis. They're to the right, under the heading "Fashion Blogs I Love," in case that's too subtle a title. Have a look!
Monday, September 15, 2008
Fashion doesn't always translate well
My boyfrien and I are walking down Eglinton, on our way to Japanese class, when he suddenly cries, "Lady-man, man-lady, BUY OUR CLOTHES!"*
"What?"
"It was on a billboard. There was a manly lady, and a man who looked like a lady, and then it said 'Parasuco,' which in a way is Russian for saying 'two butts.'"
I can't find a picture of the ad online, but I'll keep looking.
* This sounds weird to the uninitiated, but my boyfriend, for whom English is a fourth languae, erupts with similar nonsensical outbursts all day long. They make sense once you ask him for clarification, but passing strangers tend to find it mildly disturbing. Which, incidentally, is in the top five of my imaginary List of Things Guys Must Do To Make Me Want To Boink Them.
"What?"
"It was on a billboard. There was a manly lady, and a man who looked like a lady, and then it said 'Parasuco,' which in a way is Russian for saying 'two butts.'"
I can't find a picture of the ad online, but I'll keep looking.
* This sounds weird to the uninitiated, but my boyfriend, for whom English is a fourth languae, erupts with similar nonsensical outbursts all day long. They make sense once you ask him for clarification, but passing strangers tend to find it mildly disturbing. Which, incidentally, is in the top five of my imaginary List of Things Guys Must Do To Make Me Want To Boink Them.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Lack of sexy in sexy post
I'm trying to jury-rig a halfway decent method of photographing myself, so that I can show off my fun outfits like all the other fashion bloggers out there, but my only option at the moment is to photograph myself looking confused and bleary whilst standing next to a plastic storage bin. Not so much.
So, in the meantime, the What Annushka Wore feature will be description-only.
Today's Outfit:
Black poofy-sleeved long t-shirt (Topshop, Dubai location)
Red faux-watered silk slip with thick black lace trim (originally from Victoria's Secret, but purchased at a vintage shop in Toronto [Kensington Market, of course- I think the shop is called Black Rose, but I could be wrong]), worn over
Black and white star-print leggings (Pinkie, Valladolid, Spain location)
Steve Madden black leather Mary Janes with large button strap
So, in the meantime, the What Annushka Wore feature will be description-only.
Today's Outfit:
Black poofy-sleeved long t-shirt (Topshop, Dubai location)
Red faux-watered silk slip with thick black lace trim (originally from Victoria's Secret, but purchased at a vintage shop in Toronto [Kensington Market, of course- I think the shop is called Black Rose, but I could be wrong]), worn over
Black and white star-print leggings (Pinkie, Valladolid, Spain location)
Steve Madden black leather Mary Janes with large button strap
Monday, September 1, 2008
Sunday, August 31, 2008
SHOOOOEEESSS FRROOOOOMMM SPAAAAACE!
I've noticed a fairly disturbing trend lately. As I was browsing the sale section of ShopBop, it came to my attention that a lot of the shoes look like they're straight out of a bad science fiction movie. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, just kind of...worrying.
For instance, are these not the shoes that Princess Leia might have worn if the Rebel Alliance had failed and she's had to resort to hooking to keep her in silly hairstyles?
These "beauties" aren't just futuristically silver and ergonomically curvy, but they appear to actually HOVER ABOVE THE FOOT!
These really ought to be adorning the feet of some slender, pan-European blonde with a bouffant hairdo, a silver bikini, and sparkly false eyelashes. You know, the type who plays a cold, wooden alien temptress who falls madly in love with the handsome, patriotic American astronaut. Outta sight!
These, on the other hand, would be worn by the evil ruler of the alien homeworld filled with hot babes.
These booties are lavaproof, waterproof, slimeproof, and worn by the Goat People of Kalakor IV.
For instance, are these not the shoes that Princess Leia might have worn if the Rebel Alliance had failed and she's had to resort to hooking to keep her in silly hairstyles?
These "beauties" aren't just futuristically silver and ergonomically curvy, but they appear to actually HOVER ABOVE THE FOOT!
These really ought to be adorning the feet of some slender, pan-European blonde with a bouffant hairdo, a silver bikini, and sparkly false eyelashes. You know, the type who plays a cold, wooden alien temptress who falls madly in love with the handsome, patriotic American astronaut. Outta sight!
These, on the other hand, would be worn by the evil ruler of the alien homeworld filled with hot babes.
These booties are lavaproof, waterproof, slimeproof, and worn by the Goat People of Kalakor IV.
Friday, June 27, 2008
H 'n M Marimekko, Part 2- Electric Fuggaloo
Blogger won't let me put an ampersand in a blog title. Pfft.
Again, from left to right:
1. Ho hum, tank top.
2. I guess if you're going to wear shorts, they might as well be in a fun print. If I wore shorts, I would wear these.
3. This long halter dress looks SO GOOD ON PEOPLE. It's not much on the hanger, but I saw a woman walking around and wearing it, and it was rocking. She was a large lady, too, so the dress is very adaptable and flattering. If it was $90, I'd totally snag that shit.
4. Nice tank suit. Nothing special here.
5. The tankini- the print would make me feel a bit like a Target ad, but again, it's a cute basic.
1. Didn't we basically see that skirt in my last post? This is just a lazy version! I call bullshit.
2. THE MAAAAAAAAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR IS COMING TO TAKE YOU AWAAAAAAAAAAYYYY!
3. Oh, look, another shapeless rag with a faux-empire waist. Innovation! That thing looks like Project Runway gone whoa bad.
Again, ganked from NYT Magazine.
Again, from left to right:
1. Ho hum, tank top.
2. I guess if you're going to wear shorts, they might as well be in a fun print. If I wore shorts, I would wear these.
3. This long halter dress looks SO GOOD ON PEOPLE. It's not much on the hanger, but I saw a woman walking around and wearing it, and it was rocking. She was a large lady, too, so the dress is very adaptable and flattering. If it was $90, I'd totally snag that shit.
4. Nice tank suit. Nothing special here.
5. The tankini- the print would make me feel a bit like a Target ad, but again, it's a cute basic.
1. Didn't we basically see that skirt in my last post? This is just a lazy version! I call bullshit.
2. THE MAAAAAAAAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR IS COMING TO TAKE YOU AWAAAAAAAAAAYYYY!
3. Oh, look, another shapeless rag with a faux-empire waist. Innovation! That thing looks like Project Runway gone whoa bad.
Again, ganked from NYT Magazine.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
I Really WANT to Love These, But... (part 1)
I was so excited about H&M's Marimekko tribute line. Although they're not exactly a household name, Marimekko was a wildly popular designer during the sixties due to their wonderful prints- and exposure from Jackie Kennedy, who owned several dresses by them. The only reason I know about them is because my grandmother had a beautiful Marimekko dress when I was a kid. I used to put it and her heels on and walk around her house, pointing to all the art and pretending I was a glamorous gallery owner.
When I walked into H&M and actually saw the line, though, I was sorely disappointed. Although some of the pieces were interesting, the shapes weren't evocative of the traditional Marimekko easiness. Moreover, some of the colour combinations were downright fugly. It was also kind of expensive.
Let's go from left to right:
1. Not gonna lie, I bought this one. This shirt, I think, embodies the original line best: it's easy and frivolous with a kooky print, and can be worn everywhere- easy to dress up and dress down. Plus, hot pink and orange look amazing together.
2. Ew, what? It looks like a decorative tissue box cover. To be honest, I hate that pumpkin-orange and baby-shit-green colour combination so much, I have a little trouble looking at the actual shape of any of the garments. This shape is pretty much in keeping with traditional Marimekko, but I'm slightly biased because this style looks awful on me. I retain the right to unabashedly and unapologetically hate the colour combo.
3. Cute. Wicked cute. Wish H&M made bikinis and bras for big boobs...
4. Doesn't that just look like a summer outfit meant for a baby? The floofy dress with no boobspace and the floppy hat? Don't get me wrong, it's cute, but seeing it in miniature like that is kind of funny.
5. What's with that strip of white? Ick.
6. Although it's hard to see, this is your average micro-empire halter dress. Except for the vile print, nothing special.
7. Okay, I kind of love that.
8. I COVET this dress. I'm dead broke and won't be shopping again until August, but I keep going into H&M just to moon over this dress. I love the little details and the classic shape. Sigh. I just don't think I can justify owning two pieces with this pattern from the same collection.
9. Yeah, there's nothing I want more than pants that look like they're magnifying a colony of fecal bacteria.
I swiped the image above from New York Magazine.
When I walked into H&M and actually saw the line, though, I was sorely disappointed. Although some of the pieces were interesting, the shapes weren't evocative of the traditional Marimekko easiness. Moreover, some of the colour combinations were downright fugly. It was also kind of expensive.
Let's go from left to right:
1. Not gonna lie, I bought this one. This shirt, I think, embodies the original line best: it's easy and frivolous with a kooky print, and can be worn everywhere- easy to dress up and dress down. Plus, hot pink and orange look amazing together.
2. Ew, what? It looks like a decorative tissue box cover. To be honest, I hate that pumpkin-orange and baby-shit-green colour combination so much, I have a little trouble looking at the actual shape of any of the garments. This shape is pretty much in keeping with traditional Marimekko, but I'm slightly biased because this style looks awful on me. I retain the right to unabashedly and unapologetically hate the colour combo.
3. Cute. Wicked cute. Wish H&M made bikinis and bras for big boobs...
4. Doesn't that just look like a summer outfit meant for a baby? The floofy dress with no boobspace and the floppy hat? Don't get me wrong, it's cute, but seeing it in miniature like that is kind of funny.
5. What's with that strip of white? Ick.
6. Although it's hard to see, this is your average micro-empire halter dress. Except for the vile print, nothing special.
7. Okay, I kind of love that.
8. I COVET this dress. I'm dead broke and won't be shopping again until August, but I keep going into H&M just to moon over this dress. I love the little details and the classic shape. Sigh. I just don't think I can justify owning two pieces with this pattern from the same collection.
9. Yeah, there's nothing I want more than pants that look like they're magnifying a colony of fecal bacteria.
I swiped the image above from New York Magazine.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Sex and the City Part II: More Like Sex and the SHITTY. I'm so clever.
KRISTIN DAVIS: Ho hum. So over it. My dress is the colour of nori and is making Annushka very hungry for homemade sushi.
SARAH JESSICA PARKER: I AM ALSO HUNGRY FOR SUSHI. Or anything. Do y'all think my boobs are being indicated enough, or should I just start pointing to them all the time?
CYNTHIA NIXON: Essentially, the same dress I wore last time, except now these bitches make it look hot.
KIM CATTRALL: I'M FUCKING CRAZY!
Random Hate
Dear lord, help us all. If the Inuit kayaked to the moon, I suppose they would wear these boots on the way. On the other hand, my boyfriend took one look at them and screamed "LEGO!!!!!" I suppose they're at least functional, either way.
See, in my language, this is translated as "STUPID FUCKING GODDAMN SLOGAN."
Sorry, what?
More like disco SUCK, amirite? Seriously, though, what's with the glittering landing strip? It's like a bukkake runway.
I think my mom owned this negligee in the eighties.
Oh, my god, WHY?! What is that, condiment-print?
All right, I kind of love this. There's a dress made of the same fabric that I would totally wear, because who doesn't love glorious, Pepto-Bismol ponies? The shirt itself, however, is hideous.
I'm biased, because I hate shorts, but these are so Grandma-licious. Not my grandma; that lady only wore classic Chanel and would have deemed these shorts too gross to even give to her maid.
Speaking of Grandma-licious...oh, well. I guess it's more convenient to wear a picnic basket on one's feet than to carry it by hand. SO exhausting!
Was this purchased as a boutique in Innsmouth, by any chance? Or is it meant as terrifically clever clubwear that allows the wearer to vomit all over their front without anyone being the wiser?
Another quote from the boyfriend: "LEOPARD TUMORS!"
Monday, May 12, 2008
I Hate Sex and the City
I really do, guys. I fucking despise Sex and the City. I love fashion and great big bitches, but I hate frigid headcases, whoever dresses Sarah Jessica Parker and Kim Cattrall, puns, and women who claim that licking old balls that have been fucking around on them is empowering. I've read the original column, and while I still find the characters unappealing and entirely reprehensible, at least there's black wit and some semblance of reality.
Regardless of my distaste for the show, I've seen every episode. My friends all love it, and it's more fun to sit with one's buddies and watch something terrible than to huddle alone in one's bedroom. Therefore, I kind of want to see the movie. I hear someone dies!
CHARLOTTE ONE: "Yaaaay, I'm so boring that I look classy next to these freaks!"
CYNTHIA NIXON: "Oh, god. Oh, god. Oh, god. Why am I so cold?"
KIM CATTRALL: "Thank goodness I anticipated the cooler weather and turned my down comforter into a party dress!"
Sarah Jessica Parker, however...let's look closer.
You know what? I actually like it. It's like she's declaring, "I'M THE STAR I'M THE STAR LOOK AT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Considering the enmity these precious vulturesses apparently have for one another, I think I'd make sure the rubberneckers knew which one was supposed to be the main character. I might even do it with a feather parfait stapled to my damn head. Well done!
Regardless of my distaste for the show, I've seen every episode. My friends all love it, and it's more fun to sit with one's buddies and watch something terrible than to huddle alone in one's bedroom. Therefore, I kind of want to see the movie. I hear someone dies!
CHARLOTTE ONE: "Yaaaay, I'm so boring that I look classy next to these freaks!"
CYNTHIA NIXON: "Oh, god. Oh, god. Oh, god. Why am I so cold?"
KIM CATTRALL: "Thank goodness I anticipated the cooler weather and turned my down comforter into a party dress!"
Sarah Jessica Parker, however...let's look closer.
You know what? I actually like it. It's like she's declaring, "I'M THE STAR I'M THE STAR LOOK AT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Considering the enmity these precious vulturesses apparently have for one another, I think I'd make sure the rubberneckers knew which one was supposed to be the main character. I might even do it with a feather parfait stapled to my damn head. Well done!
Thursday, May 8, 2008
I Love This Dress
Tadashi black shutter v-neck dress
I usually am a bright colours kind of girl, but I love this dress. The bodice is so elegant, the fabric looks lush, and the train is sumptuous without looking like it should be tacked onto the Empress Josephine. It also looks pretty boob-friendly, a major plus in my book. If only I had a governor's ball to attend or something...I'm not sure even I could rock this at Sunset Grill.
I Hate These Dresses
Holy freakin' eighties, Batman! I don't think I've seen such a tragic grey-neon combination since before Nirvana was cool.
I'm not sure why I find this dress so gross. Part of it is the colour- I don't like coral- but mostly, I think it's just reminiscent of a sponge. I want to clean my dishes with it.
A colour combination envisaged in Heck. Cadet blue and Starter Log orange? Not so amazing.
From the long-lost Carmen Miranda movie Tropical Thrift, produced to combat the pathos of the Great Depression, in which Our Intrepid Heroine makes a party dress out of some old sheets. Unfortunately, Carmen is attacked by a vicious dog who rips half the thing off her body, but our plucky gal straps on some tack-ass wooden beads and part of a donated curtain, and keeps dancing! God bless you, miss.
Oh, cool, I totally have this bathmat!
I Hate Heidi Montag's Shoes
I have never seen The Hills and therefore have no opinion on Heidi Montag. She's pretty hot, but to me she just looks like a less-lovable Mamie Van Doren. Her new clothing line, Heidiwood, seems as limp and boring as every other celebrity clothing line. However, I can't forgive her for this one thing...well, two things, I guess.
Hard to see the problem? Look closer:
ACK! What the hell ARE THOSE?! Are they pure rubber? Is that duct tape? Does she really think those match her dress? What is going on?
I ganked the image from DListed. Go there; it's fucking hilarious.
Hard to see the problem? Look closer:
ACK! What the hell ARE THOSE?! Are they pure rubber? Is that duct tape? Does she really think those match her dress? What is going on?
I ganked the image from DListed. Go there; it's fucking hilarious.
I Hate Gladiator Shoes
You guys? Seriously? No. Maybe this is a harsh way to get my blog off the ground, but it was partially inspired by these ghastly little numbers.
Now, I have a History degree. I love History. I watched the shit out of Rome EVEN THOUGH I had to wait a year between seasons because I can't afford premium cable and refused to watch it online. I know my way around Plutarch, have a love/hate relationship with Augustus Caesar- I'm an incurable Cleopatran- and giggle whenever I hear "Caligula." I know Rome, okay?
This ain't Rome. All roads may lead there, but these motherfuckers will get you nowhere.
CASE THE FIRST:
Okay. They're gross. The colour does nothing for me, I hate that kind of leather, and I can't imagine the fenced-in look goes well with that low heel. Sure, you can probably move in them, but what happens when you're raising your shield to block your opponent's oncoming strike? Those things look awfully slippery. I bet the buckles can really dig in and make a mess of your ankle, too, and on the whole they don't look that supportive. I dunno, guys- I don't think these would be all that helpful in the arena.
CASE THE SECOND:
It is SO GREAT that they let mental patients put their basket-weaving skills to a higher purpose. Of course, the issue here is that the wearer would look appropriately batshit.
CASE THE THIRD:
Oh, how I despise anachronism. Ballet wasn't invented for...oh...fifteen hundred years after the fall of Rome!
These look like little fighter spaceship, kind of. Were I less lazy, I'd photoshop a little Luke Skywalker head popping out of these boats o' hot mess...but that'd be a sad waste of a fine-looking Jedi.
CASE NUMBER THE FOUR:
What Norma Desmond planned to wear in her production of Salome.
CASE LE CINQUE:
This, however, I can COMPLETELY support. Gladiator sadomasochism porn? Well played, Vivid Video costume department!
Although I find these monstrosities utterly unwearable, they're everywhere these days. Until I learn to sew above the level of a three-year-old and blast onto Project Runway oozing talent and catchphrases ("Hot tranny make it work auf wiedersehn Wendy Pepper FEROCIA!" I'll scream, while Heidi and the gang makes me construct a fleet of Girl Scout uniforms out of dental floss and roadkill), I have to accept the fashion industry's latest dupes. I'm not buying this shit, but I did see a pair that didn't make me gag:
Granted, they're a little Heidi Montag and look like they could be purchased at Wet Seal. Okay. Yet, the shape is somewhat flattering, especially when combined with the heel. I like how that's tapered, too- keeps them from looking entirely like stripper shoes. Would I pay for them? Fuck, no. Would I wear them? Maybe.
Whatever you do, ladies and "ladies," try to find a different style of shoe. Something flattering, something modern, something graceful.
Something completely unlike the following-
Kingdom of the Crushed Psyche.
Now, I have a History degree. I love History. I watched the shit out of Rome EVEN THOUGH I had to wait a year between seasons because I can't afford premium cable and refused to watch it online. I know my way around Plutarch, have a love/hate relationship with Augustus Caesar- I'm an incurable Cleopatran- and giggle whenever I hear "Caligula." I know Rome, okay?
This ain't Rome. All roads may lead there, but these motherfuckers will get you nowhere.
CASE THE FIRST:
Okay. They're gross. The colour does nothing for me, I hate that kind of leather, and I can't imagine the fenced-in look goes well with that low heel. Sure, you can probably move in them, but what happens when you're raising your shield to block your opponent's oncoming strike? Those things look awfully slippery. I bet the buckles can really dig in and make a mess of your ankle, too, and on the whole they don't look that supportive. I dunno, guys- I don't think these would be all that helpful in the arena.
CASE THE SECOND:
It is SO GREAT that they let mental patients put their basket-weaving skills to a higher purpose. Of course, the issue here is that the wearer would look appropriately batshit.
CASE THE THIRD:
Oh, how I despise anachronism. Ballet wasn't invented for...oh...fifteen hundred years after the fall of Rome!
These look like little fighter spaceship, kind of. Were I less lazy, I'd photoshop a little Luke Skywalker head popping out of these boats o' hot mess...but that'd be a sad waste of a fine-looking Jedi.
CASE NUMBER THE FOUR:
What Norma Desmond planned to wear in her production of Salome.
CASE LE CINQUE:
This, however, I can COMPLETELY support. Gladiator sadomasochism porn? Well played, Vivid Video costume department!
Although I find these monstrosities utterly unwearable, they're everywhere these days. Until I learn to sew above the level of a three-year-old and blast onto Project Runway oozing talent and catchphrases ("Hot tranny make it work auf wiedersehn Wendy Pepper FEROCIA!" I'll scream, while Heidi and the gang makes me construct a fleet of Girl Scout uniforms out of dental floss and roadkill), I have to accept the fashion industry's latest dupes. I'm not buying this shit, but I did see a pair that didn't make me gag:
Granted, they're a little Heidi Montag and look like they could be purchased at Wet Seal. Okay. Yet, the shape is somewhat flattering, especially when combined with the heel. I like how that's tapered, too- keeps them from looking entirely like stripper shoes. Would I pay for them? Fuck, no. Would I wear them? Maybe.
Whatever you do, ladies and "ladies," try to find a different style of shoe. Something flattering, something modern, something graceful.
Something completely unlike the following-
Kingdom of the Crushed Psyche.
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